InterMediaMary

Mary Hamilton

Experiment: karela

Today we decided to celebrate our new home in Tooting by experimenting with one of the vegetables on offer in all the local stores that we'd not cooked with before.

This is the karela:

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It's green, knobbly, and smells a bit like a watery lime. It's also known as bittermelon or bitter-gourd, and the Internet tells me it's a popular, exceptionally bitter, vegetable cooked in east Asia, the Indian subcontinent and parts of the West Indies.

This is what the inside looks like:

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We tried a tiny bit raw. It was how I'd imagine eating solidified ectoplasm would be - green, wet, bitter, a bit sickly. You can imagine it glowing in the dark. Based on a recipe from Trinidad we found on www.indobase.com, start by slicing it open and removing the seeds, before slicing it very thinly and coating it with salt. The idea was to cut the bitterness - I'm told eating it without doing something to offset it is essentially a punishment rather than a culinary experience.

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After 20 minutes salting to get the moisture out it smells horrid. It's wet and very bitter - not sour, but bitter, with undertones of damp hound. Perhaps it will taste better than it smells. I decided not to taste it at this stage. Squeeze out the moisture by wrapping the slices in a clean tea towel and squeezing, and laid the slices out on a tray to dry for another 20 minutes or so. While it's drying, dice half an onion and fried it in a little oil, adding finely chopped fresh green chilli, dried red chilli, garlic and smoked paprika to the pan after a couple of minutes. Once the onion starts to soften add the now-not-very-moist karela.

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At this point it started to smell much nicer - possibly because it was mostly chilli and onions. We fried it until the colour had come out of the green karela and the onions were nicely brown, then ladled it on top of yoghurt and wrapped it in a chapati.

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It is at this point, of course, that you realise you have forgotten to rinse the salt off the sort-of-dried karela. It tastes of salt. Hot chilli and salt. It is bad. Very bad. Throw it away.

Next day, return to the shops and buy some more. Repeat the whole process, this time rinsing the karela after the salting, and eat.

Congratulations! You have just unlocked a new meaning of the word "bitter". Let's be clear. This vegetable does not want to be eaten. It is actively trying to deter anything and everyone - and specifically you - from putting it in their mouths. It looks wrong; it smells wrong; and even after salting it, squeezing it, rinsing it, frying it and nuking it with two types of chilli, it is still unutterably foul. If I ever have children, I will keep one in the cupboard and threaten them with it if they don't eat their tea. It could probably be used effectively to ensure people you hate never trespass on your hospitality.

Maybe I'm cooking it wrong?

Stuff! Get it while it's ... Stuff!

I'm trying to get rid of this lot before I leave. All I'd ask is that it goes to a decent home, and that you pay for postage costs if I'd need to post it to you - but any contributions to my holy-crap-I'm-moving-to-London fund will be greatly appreciated. Comment to claim - best offers will take precedence, and as I'm away now for more than a week I'll tally up and divvy up the pile once I'm back. 


Books: Fiction, prose, poetry, drama
A Star Called Henry by Roddy Doyle.
Anglo-Saxon Poetry, Everyman's Library edition, 1950. Ripped dustcover, clothbound.
Amazing Science Fiction Stories. Bids: @alinasnd, free
The Barrytown Trilogy: The Commitments, The Snapper, The Van by Roddy Doyle. Hardback.
The Bookman by Lavie Tidmar. Steampunk whodunnit involving pirate lizards. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Dissolution by C. J. Sansom. 
The Faculty of Useless Knowledge by Yury Dombrovsky. Oversize paperback.
The Fermata by Nicholson Baker. Hardback with wrap-around band. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Into The Nightside by Simon R Green.
The Kraken Wakes by John Wyndham. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Masters' Choice 1 - The Best Science Fiction Stories Of All Time.
Miscellany One by Dylan Thomas. Anthology.
Misfortune by Wesley Stace.
More Poetry Please.
More Than Superhuman by A.E. Van Vogt. Terrible sci-fi. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Motel Nirvana: Dreaming of the New Age in the American Desert. Ex-library.
The Nation's Favourite Poems.
National Lampoon's Doon by Ellis Weiner.
New Cat Stories by Stella Whitelaw.
The Promise of Happiness by Justin Cartwright.
Saving Places: prize-winning poems from the National Trust Centenary poetry competition.
Sepulchre by Kate Mosse. Oversize paperback.
Shirley by Charlotte Bronte. Wordsworths Classics edition.
Sovay by Celia Rees. Uncorrected proof.
Speed * Kentucky Ham by William S Burroughs Jr.
Sundog by B. N. Ball. Terrible 1960s sci-fi. Bids: @alinasnd, free
TekLords by William Shatner. Yes, seriously. It's his hard-to-find second novel. Hardback, US release. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Testing the Echo by David Edgar. Play.
Timothy McSweeney's Quarterly Concern issue 30, fine condition.
Today I Wrote Nothing - the selected writings of Danil Kharms. Hardback.
Twelve by Nick Mcdonell.

Books: Terry Pratchett paperbacks
Carpe Jugulum. Old cover art. 
The Colour of Magic. Old cover art. 
The Fifth Elephant. Old cover art. 
Going Postal. Old cover art. 
Interesting Times. Old cover art. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Lords and Ladies. New cover art. 
Moving Pictures. Old cover art. 
Sourcery. New cover art. 
Thud!. Old cover art. Bids: @alinasnd, free

Books: Non-fiction
Absurd Adverts. This is a bad book. Take it away. 
The Big Book of National Insults. equal-opportunity racism that's fun for the whole family! Bids: @alinasnd, free
Birdwatchingwatching by Alex Horne. Signed, hardback. 
The Creative Writing Coursebook: Forty Authors Share Advice and Exercises for Fiction and Poetry. Bids: @lollipopvintage free
Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation by Steven Levenkron. Warning: contains unmitigated bollocks.
Dealing With Depression by Trevor Barnes.
Dictionary of British Politics.
Dying To Be Thin.
Grumpy Old Men: The Secret Diary.
Introduction to Literature, Criticism and Theory, 3rd edition.
The Log: A Dwarfer's Guide to Everything by Craig Charles.
Microsoft Computer Dictionary 5th edition.
The Mind Map Book by Tony & Barry Buzan.
The New Students' Cookbook.
The Other Universe by John R Sinclair.
Perfect Chocolate Desserts by Anne Willan.
Philsophy: The Basics by Nigel Warburton. 4th edition.
The Poetic Image by C Day Lewis. Hardback, ripped dustcover.
The Pub Landlord's Book of British Common Sense by Al Murray. Hardback.
Reincarnation and the Law of Karma. Published 1908 by the Yogi Publication Society at Chicago Masonic Temple - unsure of the age of this edition, but 1950s at latest.
The Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss.
So Young, So Sad, So Listen.
Sociological Lives and Ideas: An Introduction to the Classical Theorists.
Teeline Gold coursebook: The Most Successful Shorthand System. Bids: @josephstashko, free
The Triumph of the Moon by Ronald Hutton. Very small print.
Writers Market UK 2008.
The X Files: Book of the Unexplained, Volume 2. Hardback, full colour, collectible.
Very Short Answers to Very Big Questions.

Learning to drive type stuff
AA Driving Test Practical book. Bids: @alinasnd, free
AA Theory Test Official Questions and Answers book. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Are You Ready? Learner edition test DVD. Bids: @alinasnd, free
BSM Pass Your Driving Theory Test book. Bids: @alinasnd, free
2 x magnetic L plates. Bids: @alinasnd, free
2 x magnetic Passed plates. Bids: @alinasnd, free
The Official DSA Guide to Driving: The Essential Skills book. Bids: @alinasnd, free
The Official Guide to Hazard Perception DVD. Bids: @alinasnd, free
Theory Test Companion including The Highway Code book. Test questions may be out of date but Highway Code bits still very relevant. Bids: @alinasnd, free

Consoles, games and related accessories
PS2 Black game, CD only.
Rock Band 1 USB drumkit for Xbox. Collect please. 
Sega Dreamcast game ChuChu Rocket.
Sega Dreamcast game Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver.

Misc stuff
Exercise bike. Heavy as hell. No fancy gizmos or widgets, but it does simulate going up a steep hill surprisingly well.
Small TV with DVD player. CRT, fairly portable, needs new remote. Bids: @lollipopvintage, free